Hunched over my laptop, I find myself in accidental supplication.
Unwitting and pathetic, I pray to a false god whose bounty stems from its fallacy.
“Distract me from my mundanity!” I cry in the silence of my soul. “Assuage my fear of inadequacy with inane diversion! Let me not dwell on my shortcomings or the labor of self-improvement. Rather, fill my mind with the blissful static of a thousand feeds tweeting the dopamine fix of meaningless memes.
“Convince me I am special and clever for reading and re-posting about a world beyond myself. Tell me my sans-serif commentary on social media makes sophisticated and broad-minded!
“Baptize me in the countless pixels of high-defintion streaming video: Netflix Nirvana and Hulu Enlightenment! Take away the pain of hard-earned comprehension and replace it with soundbites and animated gifs!”
This is why I can’t have nice things. Web of Science and a hundred repositories of electronic are a few keystrokes away, but instead I’m disposed to scroll through Tumblr.